But Were You His Gay Lover ?
Tom Mabe: Hello?
Telemarketer: Yes, Can I speak with Tom Mabe?
Tom: Who’s calling?
Tele: This is Mike. You have been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this you’re going to-
Tom: Let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you a friend of his?
Tele: No, I’m not. I’m just calling to offer-
Tom: Hold that thought, hold on a second (Hey guys, get really good pictures of the body, and dust everything down for prints.) Mike, you there?
Tom: Yeah, let me bring you up to speed. You’ve actually called a murder scene. Mr. Mabe is no longer with us. I’m Officer Clarke. I’m conducting a homicide investigations. I want to ask you a series of questions. First of all – what was the nature of the business you had with Tom Mabe?
Tele: I…I had no business with him. I’m sorry to have bothered-
Tom: No, hang on. I’m going to ask you to stay on the phone, this call has already been traced and we may need you to come in for further questioning.
Tele: You don’t understand. I’m just calling –
Tom: No, you don’t’ understand, unless you want to be charges with obstruction of justice, it is imperative that you keep your ass on the phone, Mike.
Tele: How about you just talk with my supervisor?
Tom: No, we will get to your supervisor in a second. First, give me your where-abouts.
Tele: I am at work.
Tom: You’re at work?
Tom: You being a smart ass?
Tele: No sir.
Tom: Let me put it to you this way, Mike. Say I wanted to mail your a** a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of the envelope to ensure that the mailman would deliver it right to your a**? Geographically speaking Mike, where is work?
Tele: 40 West Littleton, Colorado
Tom: Now hold on that’s –
Tele: Yes sir.
Tom: Hold on one second alright. (Get the Littleton Police Department, Homicide Division on the phone, give them this information. Tell them that he is being sought in connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.) How do you know Mr. Mabe again?
Tele: Wait. You are calling the Littleton Police Department? I’m hundreds of miles away. I don’t even know the guy. I’m in Colorado.
Tom: No, don’t let that scare you, it is just a formality. Have you ever been to his place of residence?
Tom: And tell me again, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?
Tele: I’m not feeling real comfortable by any of this.
Tom: Have you even ever spoke with Mr. Mabe, Mike?
Tele: No, I haven’t. I don’t even know the guy. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
Tom: Ok, great. Just calm down, hold on. Look, just back up. I’ve just got one more question for you, Mike. As you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual. And there is no easy way of asking this, I don’t want to embarrass you or nothing, but were you his gay lover?
Tele: What? No! What the hell kind of question is that?
Tom: Look, look. If gay is your way, that is OK. I still know there are a lot of you gay people in that closet. Not saying I haven’t thought about it myself, you know? Hop over to Las Vegas or something, buy a couple of drinks, cute little Mexican midget.
Tele: This is ridiculous. [click]